Cosmopolis (2012)

After making more assessable films like A Dangerous Mind, Eastern Promises, & A History of Violence esteemed Canadian director David Cronenberg is back to his old form. This time he's responsible for bringing to the big screen yet another preposterous adaptation of a novel. In terms of tonality his 2012 film Cosmopolis is very similar to 1996's Crash; Cronenberg's puzzling cinematic adaptation of the book of the same title. 

The so called plot of Cosmopolis involves Eric Packer, a young multi millionaire (portrayed by Robert Pattinson of Twilight fame) who decides he wants a haircut. Trouble is that the U.S. president is in town so the city has been hampered by numerous street closures & other assorted detours. In order to reach his barbershop of choice Packer must embark on an arduous journey across New York City aboard his state of the art limo. It's within the confines of this high tech mode of transportation that the young businessman is joined by a variety of colorful characters who enter & exit the car on a regular basis. With each of his temporary companions he indulges in lofty conversations about life, technology, money, & other sociopolitical issues. 

Among the actors making cameos in Cosmopolis are Montreal native Jay Baruchel as well as Oscar winner Juliette Binoche. While inside the limo Pattinson & Binoche's characters engage in a brief sexual encounter. Moments after their tryst Binoche inexplicably begins writhing around the floor like a drunken teenager. They then begin discussing Packer's taste in art & his desire to obtain a controversial piece. Upon being told that the artwork in question isn't for sale Packer insists that anything can be bought with enough money.

As Cosmopolis progresses Packer & his limo slowly inch closer to the barbershop. Making optimum use of his travel time Packer uses the opportunity to undergo his regular daily medical check up (complete with prostate exam). It's during this particularly awkward scene that the line, “my prostate is asymmetrical”, is first uttered. This odd statement then becomes one of the film's more unusual catch phrases.

Along the way to the elusive barbershop Packer, his limo, & assorted bodyguards are forced to contend with obstacles such as a violent political riot & the funeral procession of a popular singer. In the course of Cosmopolis Pattinson's character has several casual meetings with his estranged & distant wife Elise (played by Sarah Gadon). He also commits a senseless murder, visits a dance club, engages in a sexual romp with a female bodyguard, & is attacked by a man wielding a cream pie.

The final 20 minutes or so of Cosmopolis consist of one drawn out scene between Pattinson & a desperate loser played by Paul Giamatti (Sideways). The interplay between these 2 diverse characters is violent but anti climatic. Although their dialogue is supposed to be insightful it instead comes off as just plain boring & meaningless. 

The sad fact is that the opening credits of Cosmopolis are the best part of the entire film. Although the subject matter is relevant, timely, & interesting Cronenberg fails to bring these same qualities to life onscreen. Perhaps much of the original book's content was lost during the translation to film. Cosmopolis is pretentious, verbose, tiresome, & just plain bad…laughably bad.  

Originally published on Helium.